The lines that I chose as my favorite are in italics. The other lines were chosen based on their ability to give a summation of the story while adding to the oddity of the poem.
At first I thought that there wasn’t much information provided at the beginning of the story, as is usual for Carver, but the first two lines I chose disprove that. It is clear that the guy is only a friend from work. He is not a friend; he’s a friend from work. Big difference. And the fact that he provides a detailed map that I assumed was hand-drawn stood out, but didn’t quite click until it was said Bud lived twenty miles outside of town. He’s a rural bumpkin. I would say I was a rural kid, but no bumpkin by these standards.
Oh, next up, the fact that during the whole wishing thing our narrator is talking about how he wouldn’t love Fran if it she cut her hair...that was a bit of a gender issue which gets another look at the end.
The only part of my next line is “we could hear.” It was the description of the car pulling in on the gravel driveway. When I was a kid, we had a gravel driveway so I suppose the sound reminds me of childhood. It is not perfect euphony, it is probably actually an annoying noise, but it is distinct.
Speaking of which, as a child I also went camping at a state park that just so happened to border a peacock farm. I guess they are extra loud at night. I slept through it all, but I remember my mom freaked the hell out the next morning. Youtube one of those SOBs; they’re something.
The swan. The beauty of it; made of crystal only to have its back filled with ash. The wisp of smoke was almost romantic. I took the beautiful swan and gave it the characteristics of Olla’s teeth to show that few things about this story were beautiful. In a way, I made the swan into the hated peacock.
The description of the baby was wow. I do not find them aesthetically pleasing in any way. I combined both the lines about the baby’s ugliness for maximum effect.
Finally, the line about his wife’s words going through him like eenie-meenie-minie-mo down to his toes. I read it a couple times and was smiling at the allusion while also feeling concerned for what could be next. Of course, our narrator concludes with has a child and a distant wife. It is not clear if the child made them distant, but he did say he might not love his wife if she cut her hair. Well, she cut it. And got fat. It’s not politically correct the way he talks, but he did warn her to not cut her hair…
Feathers
this friend from work
gave major and minor.
we’d wish out loud.
it felt good.
a peacock
dressed up.
the mother,
face bright red.
crooked, jaggedy
to remind me.
we paid.
this baby beat anything.
another stage
about my life.
hollered and let go.
she and I…less and less.
This found poem is great. I really like your final lines "she's gotten fat / she and I... less and less." Is this meant to be hypocritical (the juxtaposition of fat and less and less) or does less and less imply that since she's gotten fat, the relationship between the two characters has become less and less? It's awesome either way, just wondering what you were thinking.
ReplyDeleteI also like how you put the peacock in the poem, that damn thing is so symbolic. Peacock feathers are always viewed as beautiful, perhaps we can make a connection between them and the womans hair?