In the Jewish tradition, when someone dies, there is a practice called "sitting shiva." I might have the details and nuances wrong, but basically it means that people come over and sit with you, without expectation. I think this is a very important practice. I've been blessed not to have anyone very close to me die, but I imagine that having someone near you, not necessarily saying anything, but there, could be reassuring.
The baker inadvertantly sit shiva with Ann and Howard. He allows them space to be. He is in some ways the perfect practitioner for this ritual. He is socially isolated and can only offer food, literal nourishment, after so much loss and emptiness. His story of loneliness allows the parents to focus on something else, and to sit together with what was, and is, a total stranger. Sitting shiva (as I, perhaps incorrectly understand it) wouldn't work best with certain family members. They're too close. But this big burly guy, without a life, is what is needed at this certain time and place.
I also really like that there is no wallowing in pity. There is immediate anger at the baker, but ultimately there is respect and closeness from a distance, if that makes sense. The baker is a safe stranger.
Overall I appreciated Carver's careful language. His description about wavering on whether to go home or not seems to be as true to life as is possible in a story like this. And it works. In a hospital there always seems to be some sort of expectation on what one is supposed to do, say, and act that is never really stated, but the environment makes one feel that there's a right way to do things. At least that's how I've felt. Or maybe it's that the environment is just filled with life and death, that causes the constant uncomfortableness. But surrounded by fresh, rich dark, sweet, complex bread and a large, simple man, comfort can be found.
As I read I knew I would need to post a video, and this song ran through my head constantly during the middle. Sort of obvious, but good. I'd never seen the video for it before. If you don't know French (I don't), the translation is the most commented post.
"love is watching someone die" "What Sarah Said"-Death Cab for Cutie
(sorry guys, you'll have to copy and paste. My computer won't let me hyperlink, after I already had it linked, tried to change it, now it won't link. Sometimes I hate computers despite the joy they bring. argh.)
I know near to nothing about Jewish culture, but the idea of sitting (if it can even be conjugated that way) shiva seems to nail "A Small, Good Thing."
ReplyDelete"What Sara Said" is a solid song. I had never heard it. Knowing the few words written in the song would have been cool (I could have looked them up) but they weren't necessary for the video's statement. With James this makes Deathcab x2 for Carver.
I like how you describe the baker as a "safe stranger" and I completely understand what you mean by that. I, like you, also appreciated the fact there there was no "wallowing pity." If there were, I think the story would have been ruined, to be honest.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the information about "sitting shiva," I had never heard of that before and I think it is very applicable to this story, as you have pointed out.
Great song choice. This particular Death Cab song is extremely gloomy, yet beautiful (very similar to the story). I liked listening to it while reading your response to make lyrical connections.